6 Things Single Women Still Can’t Do And It’s 2018
By Ayushmita Samal -July 23, 201844183
Subscribe to FII's WhatsApp
As women, we have continuously been told that we need to ‘fit in’ or ‘blend into’ the spectrum of the societal expectations and norms. The life of a woman is measured by the number of expectations she has stood up to. Regardless of the success she might have tasted in her professional work, she is subject to being judged and labelled by some of the simple choices that she makes. Remaining unmarried is one such choice. However, in our country, there is a lot that a single woman has to go through, by the simple virtue of being unmarried.
1. Restrictions on entering clubs and pubs in Gurugram
After a raid conducted by the Police on the MG Road area of Gurugram on 3rd July 2018, single women are being denied entry into pubs and nightclubs. The raids were conducted to check the alleged solicitation and immoral trafficking, and the club owners decided that the easiest way to avoid a repeat was to ban single women in the premises.
Single women are being barred from entering pubs and nightclubs in Gurgaon.
Image Source: Daily Mail
This ‘no-single-women’ policy disallows women who are not accompanied by their husbands or fiancés to enter these nightclubs and pubs. According to the club owners, the best way to avoid trouble is not ensuring that no illegal practices take place, but by barring women from enjoying their freedom. One of the club owners said that they have strict directions from the police to not allow any single woman to enter the clubs though they do have any written direction.
2. You need your guardian’s permission to travel abroad
Single women travelling alone in India are subject to a lot of harassment from their family raising brows over their safety to the difficulty in finding accommodation. To add to their plight, a No Objection Certificate from their guardians is usually asked by the travel agents. Guardians here, in case of single women refers to her immediate male family members. For married women who are travelling alone, they require an NOC from their husbands.
When a woman from Bangalore was asked to furnish an NOC from her husband by her agent in January 2015, it triggered public uproar citing discrimination. The officials dodged the demands by citing that there were certain ‘rules’ that they had to follow. Nobody, however, was sure who wrote these rules down, the police, embassy officials, or patriarchal norms that agents follow.
3. Single women are denied hotel rooms
The issue of biases passed at female solo travelers is not new. Every now and then, one comes across reports of prejudices that single women have to face while travelling. Another problem that single women go through while travelling is the difficulty of finding hotel rooms, especially in South Asian countries.
In June 2017, Nupur Saraswat recounted her struggles with a hotel in Hyderabad in a Facebook post.
Image Source: The Indian Express
In June 2017, a spoken word artist from Singapore was denied a hotel room in Hyderabad owing to her being a woman solo traveler. The manager said that the police had earlier stated that the area is ‘unsafe’ for single women, this being the reason why they apply a ‘No Single Women’ policy on all their visitors. How is woman’s safety ensured in an unsafe area by denying her an accommodation is beyond what a rational mind can perceive.
4. Single women are not allowed mobile phones in many parts of rural India
What comes as a surprise in the millennial age of smart-phones, is that single women in many parts of Maharashtra and Uttar Pradesh are not allowed to have mobile phones by their village heads. The situation came into limelight in February 2016, when a village in Gujarat banned mobile phones for single women and girls. They could use phones only if they wished to talk to their relatives, under the supervision of someone who is allowed to use a phone. The argument made in the favor of this step was that girls and single women should focus more on their education and not indulge in addictive activities like using a mobile phone. This comes in a country where female literacy rate stands at 65.46%, as compared to the 82.14% for their male counterpart.
5. Single women face difficulty in finding accommodation
In a report published earlier this year, 82% of the single women who are also working professionals in India have to face a lot of difficulty and stigma while looking for an accommodation in Indian cities. Cities like Mumbai, Bangalore, Delhi and Hyderabad, where thousands of young professionals flock to every year, for a career, have proved to be particularly hostile towards single women. Awkward questions, lewd comments, questions raised on a persons’s character only begin the narrative of horror stories faced by single women in our country.
Bachelor Girls, a documentary on being a single woman in India.
Image Source: Youtube Find the documentary here
In 2016, a documentary film was released by Shikha Makan, who had interviewed over 300 young single women in India who told tales of the difficulty they faced while trying to find an accommodation. While there is no law whatsoever pertaining to the special care taken by the brokers and owners of flats and other accommodation in our country, it is pretty evident that the life of a single woman is no cakewalk.
6. Restrictions on the possession of gold
Among the many things that single women cannot do just because they are single, is the restriction put on the amount of gold they can have. If the gold possessed by a person does not match their known income or inheritance, a married woman can have 500 gm of gold, while a single woman can have only 250 gm.
These are only some of the ways that single women in our country face discrimination based on their marital status. What is even astonishing is the fact that most of these are not even laws. They are just rules passed by satellite organisations of the government without proper review or debate, or the moral police who live around us. This just adds to the systematic oppression and biases against single women.
The everyday discrimination faced by single women stands testimony to the notion that women ‘belong’ to, first their fathers and then their husbands. In 2018, when all of us are talking so vehemently against the oppression of women, the 71 million population of single women should not be ignored.
Also read: Why Do Single, Independent Women Still Scare People So Much?
Why Do Single, Independent Women Still Scare People So Much?
By Amreen Gill -December 23, 201636732
Subscribe to FII's WhatsApp
For as long as I can remember, I have tried to silence this nagging voice inside my head. It says mean things that seem to get meaner as I make my way through life and the inevitability of experience lends credence to its claims: “You will never be a whole person because you are a woman. Every one of your battles will be an uphill one because you are a woman. Yours will be just another voice silenced among many others because you are a woman. You were a disappointment to those who gave you life because you are a woman. And no amount of accolades or achievements you amass will ever change the fact that you are a woman.”
Before you go on and start feeling sorry for me, I should tell you that my life so far hasn’t been a battlefield, despite what my current state of mind and opening paragraph would have you believe. Born and raised in an upper middle-class family in Punjab, I have had quite a holistic upbringing. Some people who have known me as a child have gone so far as to claim that I was quite the little brat. That I got away with many things and have been thoroughly pampered all my life by virtue of being my parents’ first child. They usually go a step further and add “in spite of you being a girl…” in some shape or form in their anecdotes, but this is not going to be a rant against them. As luck and self-love would have it, in spite of being a girl (the horror…) I have grown up without the slightest doubt as to the love my family has for me.
My beef is not with easily shocked groups of people. India is full of them. It is with the systematic perpetuation and practice of archaic ideas and philosophies in our culture that have more often than not put me at odds with the very people I love and care about the most. And, as a 28-year-old single independent woman, I have this sinking feeling that my battle has only just begun.
I have moved countries twice in my lifetime, graduated top of my class with an MBA, gotten myself in and out of debt, successfully changed multiple career paths, and even found my true calling in life as a writer with a full-time day job—but all my conversations with my mother inevitably boil down to whether or not I am trying to look for a suitable matrimonial match.
In our culture, it isn’t just a piece of gossip for a young woman to be single into her late twenties; it is an act of defiance against the social order.
I will admit to the fact that every time my mom puts it that way, it only fuels me more to continue down this road of self-actualization and independence. Who doesn’t like the idea of being a rebel!
But there is more to it than my childhood fantasy of being a pioneer. Truth be told, it is a problem that sometimes feels too big for one person to take on. It isn’t just the sly remarks of your once-dear friends, cousins, extended family, even colleagues, expressing incredulity at your “not-married” status, but the deeper subliminal messaging in the voices of disappointed parents and mentors who, despite being highly educated in their own right, feel the constant need to conform to the archaic edicts of their society.
In most of our conversations about my “defiance,” my mom resorts to old-school emotional blackmailing, when phrases like “Because that is how it is!” and “What will people think?” fail to shake me enough to change my mind. And she is not your run-of-the-mill downtrodden woman who never got an education. No! She is a strong woman who has always stood up for injustices against her and others, with a voice as assertive as it is incisive.
I even heard her flip out on my dad once for blaming a fictional TV character for her choice of wardrobe and how it may have caused her to get raped at a late-night party. My mom did not rest until she made my dad feel terribly sorry for making such a nonchalant remark about such a serious issue. “Unacceptable!” she pronounced it. But when it comes to the matter of her daughter striving to be her own complete person, her voice falters quite noticeably.
Tonight, we had the same conversation again, and I felt compelled to say something to her that I don’t like to bring up too often if I can help it. I said, “Of all the people in the world, I expect you to be my rock and shield…you, who were forced to give up your dreams and career in the name of children that weren’t just yours…you, who weren’t allowed to follow your passion in music because the patriarch of the family considered singing to be ‘a deplorable profession for a daughter of a respectable family” …you, who have suffered injustices at the hands of a society that believes in keeping a woman in ‘her place..'”
There was nothing but silence on her end for quite some time, and then she said, “Why are you doing this to me? To us? Is this how you repay the kindness of parents who have allowed you to do and have everything in your life? Girls your age have kids here…and you…”
I know that a lot of hurtful things will be said and done before this matter is put to rest, but I also know that I cannot abandon this battle now or at any other point in my life. I cannot be another “could-have-been-this” or “could-have-done-that” woman, forced to take to her heart beliefs that go against her very basic nature and the simplest notions of justice and equality.
At the end of the day, in my own extremely grassroots and minuscule way, I am not just fighting for myself, but for countless women across the globe who are born, live, and die every day in the sincerest and the most vilely perpetuated belief that they are not a whole person on their own, that their life has no rhyme or reason without service to a man: whether in the capacity of a daughter, a sister, a wife, or a mother.
My life will be governed as any other independent man’s—by my own free will.
By Ayushmita Samal -July 23, 201844183
Subscribe to FII's WhatsApp
As women, we have continuously been told that we need to ‘fit in’ or ‘blend into’ the spectrum of the societal expectations and norms. The life of a woman is measured by the number of expectations she has stood up to. Regardless of the success she might have tasted in her professional work, she is subject to being judged and labelled by some of the simple choices that she makes. Remaining unmarried is one such choice. However, in our country, there is a lot that a single woman has to go through, by the simple virtue of being unmarried.
1. Restrictions on entering clubs and pubs in Gurugram
After a raid conducted by the Police on the MG Road area of Gurugram on 3rd July 2018, single women are being denied entry into pubs and nightclubs. The raids were conducted to check the alleged solicitation and immoral trafficking, and the club owners decided that the easiest way to avoid a repeat was to ban single women in the premises.
Single women are being barred from entering pubs and nightclubs in Gurgaon.
Image Source: Daily Mail
This ‘no-single-women’ policy disallows women who are not accompanied by their husbands or fiancés to enter these nightclubs and pubs. According to the club owners, the best way to avoid trouble is not ensuring that no illegal practices take place, but by barring women from enjoying their freedom. One of the club owners said that they have strict directions from the police to not allow any single woman to enter the clubs though they do have any written direction.
2. You need your guardian’s permission to travel abroad
Single women travelling alone in India are subject to a lot of harassment from their family raising brows over their safety to the difficulty in finding accommodation. To add to their plight, a No Objection Certificate from their guardians is usually asked by the travel agents. Guardians here, in case of single women refers to her immediate male family members. For married women who are travelling alone, they require an NOC from their husbands.
When a woman from Bangalore was asked to furnish an NOC from her husband by her agent in January 2015, it triggered public uproar citing discrimination. The officials dodged the demands by citing that there were certain ‘rules’ that they had to follow. Nobody, however, was sure who wrote these rules down, the police, embassy officials, or patriarchal norms that agents follow.
3. Single women are denied hotel rooms
The issue of biases passed at female solo travelers is not new. Every now and then, one comes across reports of prejudices that single women have to face while travelling. Another problem that single women go through while travelling is the difficulty of finding hotel rooms, especially in South Asian countries.
In June 2017, Nupur Saraswat recounted her struggles with a hotel in Hyderabad in a Facebook post.
Image Source: The Indian Express
In June 2017, a spoken word artist from Singapore was denied a hotel room in Hyderabad owing to her being a woman solo traveler. The manager said that the police had earlier stated that the area is ‘unsafe’ for single women, this being the reason why they apply a ‘No Single Women’ policy on all their visitors. How is woman’s safety ensured in an unsafe area by denying her an accommodation is beyond what a rational mind can perceive.
4. Single women are not allowed mobile phones in many parts of rural India
What comes as a surprise in the millennial age of smart-phones, is that single women in many parts of Maharashtra and Uttar Pradesh are not allowed to have mobile phones by their village heads. The situation came into limelight in February 2016, when a village in Gujarat banned mobile phones for single women and girls. They could use phones only if they wished to talk to their relatives, under the supervision of someone who is allowed to use a phone. The argument made in the favor of this step was that girls and single women should focus more on their education and not indulge in addictive activities like using a mobile phone. This comes in a country where female literacy rate stands at 65.46%, as compared to the 82.14% for their male counterpart.
5. Single women face difficulty in finding accommodation
In a report published earlier this year, 82% of the single women who are also working professionals in India have to face a lot of difficulty and stigma while looking for an accommodation in Indian cities. Cities like Mumbai, Bangalore, Delhi and Hyderabad, where thousands of young professionals flock to every year, for a career, have proved to be particularly hostile towards single women. Awkward questions, lewd comments, questions raised on a persons’s character only begin the narrative of horror stories faced by single women in our country.
Bachelor Girls, a documentary on being a single woman in India.
Image Source: Youtube Find the documentary here
In 2016, a documentary film was released by Shikha Makan, who had interviewed over 300 young single women in India who told tales of the difficulty they faced while trying to find an accommodation. While there is no law whatsoever pertaining to the special care taken by the brokers and owners of flats and other accommodation in our country, it is pretty evident that the life of a single woman is no cakewalk.
6. Restrictions on the possession of gold
Among the many things that single women cannot do just because they are single, is the restriction put on the amount of gold they can have. If the gold possessed by a person does not match their known income or inheritance, a married woman can have 500 gm of gold, while a single woman can have only 250 gm.
These are only some of the ways that single women in our country face discrimination based on their marital status. What is even astonishing is the fact that most of these are not even laws. They are just rules passed by satellite organisations of the government without proper review or debate, or the moral police who live around us. This just adds to the systematic oppression and biases against single women.
The everyday discrimination faced by single women stands testimony to the notion that women ‘belong’ to, first their fathers and then their husbands. In 2018, when all of us are talking so vehemently against the oppression of women, the 71 million population of single women should not be ignored.
Also read: Why Do Single, Independent Women Still Scare People So Much?
Why Do Single, Independent Women Still Scare People So Much?
By Amreen Gill -December 23, 201636732
Subscribe to FII's WhatsApp
For as long as I can remember, I have tried to silence this nagging voice inside my head. It says mean things that seem to get meaner as I make my way through life and the inevitability of experience lends credence to its claims: “You will never be a whole person because you are a woman. Every one of your battles will be an uphill one because you are a woman. Yours will be just another voice silenced among many others because you are a woman. You were a disappointment to those who gave you life because you are a woman. And no amount of accolades or achievements you amass will ever change the fact that you are a woman.”
Before you go on and start feeling sorry for me, I should tell you that my life so far hasn’t been a battlefield, despite what my current state of mind and opening paragraph would have you believe. Born and raised in an upper middle-class family in Punjab, I have had quite a holistic upbringing. Some people who have known me as a child have gone so far as to claim that I was quite the little brat. That I got away with many things and have been thoroughly pampered all my life by virtue of being my parents’ first child. They usually go a step further and add “in spite of you being a girl…” in some shape or form in their anecdotes, but this is not going to be a rant against them. As luck and self-love would have it, in spite of being a girl (the horror…) I have grown up without the slightest doubt as to the love my family has for me.
My beef is not with easily shocked groups of people. India is full of them. It is with the systematic perpetuation and practice of archaic ideas and philosophies in our culture that have more often than not put me at odds with the very people I love and care about the most. And, as a 28-year-old single independent woman, I have this sinking feeling that my battle has only just begun.
I have moved countries twice in my lifetime, graduated top of my class with an MBA, gotten myself in and out of debt, successfully changed multiple career paths, and even found my true calling in life as a writer with a full-time day job—but all my conversations with my mother inevitably boil down to whether or not I am trying to look for a suitable matrimonial match.
In our culture, it isn’t just a piece of gossip for a young woman to be single into her late twenties; it is an act of defiance against the social order.
I will admit to the fact that every time my mom puts it that way, it only fuels me more to continue down this road of self-actualization and independence. Who doesn’t like the idea of being a rebel!
But there is more to it than my childhood fantasy of being a pioneer. Truth be told, it is a problem that sometimes feels too big for one person to take on. It isn’t just the sly remarks of your once-dear friends, cousins, extended family, even colleagues, expressing incredulity at your “not-married” status, but the deeper subliminal messaging in the voices of disappointed parents and mentors who, despite being highly educated in their own right, feel the constant need to conform to the archaic edicts of their society.
In most of our conversations about my “defiance,” my mom resorts to old-school emotional blackmailing, when phrases like “Because that is how it is!” and “What will people think?” fail to shake me enough to change my mind. And she is not your run-of-the-mill downtrodden woman who never got an education. No! She is a strong woman who has always stood up for injustices against her and others, with a voice as assertive as it is incisive.
I even heard her flip out on my dad once for blaming a fictional TV character for her choice of wardrobe and how it may have caused her to get raped at a late-night party. My mom did not rest until she made my dad feel terribly sorry for making such a nonchalant remark about such a serious issue. “Unacceptable!” she pronounced it. But when it comes to the matter of her daughter striving to be her own complete person, her voice falters quite noticeably.
Tonight, we had the same conversation again, and I felt compelled to say something to her that I don’t like to bring up too often if I can help it. I said, “Of all the people in the world, I expect you to be my rock and shield…you, who were forced to give up your dreams and career in the name of children that weren’t just yours…you, who weren’t allowed to follow your passion in music because the patriarch of the family considered singing to be ‘a deplorable profession for a daughter of a respectable family” …you, who have suffered injustices at the hands of a society that believes in keeping a woman in ‘her place..'”
There was nothing but silence on her end for quite some time, and then she said, “Why are you doing this to me? To us? Is this how you repay the kindness of parents who have allowed you to do and have everything in your life? Girls your age have kids here…and you…”
I know that a lot of hurtful things will be said and done before this matter is put to rest, but I also know that I cannot abandon this battle now or at any other point in my life. I cannot be another “could-have-been-this” or “could-have-done-that” woman, forced to take to her heart beliefs that go against her very basic nature and the simplest notions of justice and equality.
At the end of the day, in my own extremely grassroots and minuscule way, I am not just fighting for myself, but for countless women across the globe who are born, live, and die every day in the sincerest and the most vilely perpetuated belief that they are not a whole person on their own, that their life has no rhyme or reason without service to a man: whether in the capacity of a daughter, a sister, a wife, or a mother.
My life will be governed as any other independent man’s—by my own free will.
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